Sh*t, meet fan

I will probably delete this post at some point.

I have had a horrible shit day. It is nearly 11pm, and my husband has been in the emergency room for 7 or 8 hours now. He injured his back horribly this morning at about 8am, to the point that he collapsed on the floor and has not been able to move on his own since. He cannot walk or move at all on his own, and sitting is unbearably painful. They have given him an amazing amount of drugs at the ER and they haven't helped AT ALL. There was not even a chair for me to sit in at the ER. I had to go home, because as lucky timing would have it, we had a friend come into town today to visit for 10 days. We had no food in the house so I had to figure out how to feed her. And now I'm going to try to get some rest, I guess, because the doctors seem to have given up at this point. They have no idea what's wrong with him nor do they have any idea what to do with him. Normally they'd just send him home, but since he cannot move at all, that's not an option.

I hope I go to sleep and when I wake up, this day has just all been a very bad dream.

Hilarious buzzwords

The essay I am writing contains all of the following terms:

neopatrimonialism
collective action
deconcentration/delegation/devolution
rent-seeking
elite capture
horizontal solidarity
social capital
vertical dependency
clientelism
vita civile
panacea
magic bullet (this always sounds dirty to me)
institutional arrangement
intended beneficiary

The other day, after going shopping with a friend when I REALLY didn't want to, I complained that the outing didn't have 'mutual utility.'

I know, guys. WHAT?!

These days, I am full of it. There's no other way to describe it. I have become the caricature of the person I always made fun of. It's a shame! (Or as they say here... such a pity.)

Such language can be useful in certain contexts. I just hope I can discern the appropriate context when all of this is over.

Gratuitous photo post: Day in review

(NB: Another dissertation post with beaucoup thoughts on development coming soon. But for now my brain needs to take a break, hence the following.)

This hasn't been an easy week. I've been waking up at 6am or before most mornings to make coffee and immediately start working. (I am not alone in this. I've talked to several other fellow grad students who have had to ramp up the same way as the workload seems to be spiraling out of control nearing the end of term. 4 hours of sleep per night seems to be about average for my cohort.) As my sleep deprivation increases throughout the week, so does my coffee consumption. Today I had a cup of coffee, two cappuccinos, and I've ended the day with green tea. I won't be consuming alcohol this weekend because I will probably be putting in 12-16 hour days on both Saturday and Sunday (oops, aside from a Sunday brunch scheduled with an old college friend passing through town). Tonight I am staying home from Brazilian Carnaval festivities to get started on an essay. This promises to be one of my rougher weekends of the term.

Last Friday night I was doing this:


But today, since I knew I had a rough weekend ahead of me with no partying in sight, I decided to seize what was left of this rare beautiful London day as soon as I got home from class and dragged Nathan out for a walk in the park:

But I felt guilty for having not run yesterday, so I turned around, went back home, and went for a run. This was when I caught back up with Nathan again:

I discovered running about a year ago, and I have to say it is one of the most amazing things ever. It keeps me more sane and happy that just about anything else (although perhaps the 'sane' part isn't so evident in this picture). I am hoping to do a half-marathon in May when I get back from Malawi, but I'm having my doubts now since I realized I probably won't be able to keep up my running regime when I'm there. (Unless there are any azungu in Balaka looking for running partners - let me know, Tamara!)

Oh yeah, so I'm going to Malawi for four weeks over spring break. Although it will be fun, this will be a WORKING vacation. I have a big consultancy project report to finish, which is due the day after spring break. Not to mention the bulk of my initial dissertation research. And I'll be touching base with Bola Moyo's work most of the days that I am there, like a good board member would do. I'm looking forward to seeing the kids again and the adult literacy students (apparently there are MANY more now than the last time I was there). These are some of the people who inspired me to go back to school, so it will be good to have a reminder of why I am doing what I'm doing this year. It is all too easy to forget.

This is a frantic pace. At times it scares me, but I love it. And this weekend I will embrace it.

3 more weeks!

See you on the flip side.

Ode to People!

As an addendum to my last post: just so you know, I don't actually hate grad school. Most days, at least. Monday was just an exceptionally bad day! Most days I love it here, although I am challenged by the new experience of feeling dumb on a daily basis compared to my peers. They amaze and inspire me. I work so much harder and learn so much more because of them.

Take one of my bestest buds, Maggie (also known as Zamibia - yes. Zamibia!). I don't know how this girl does it, but she's both a rampant partier (she's from Vegas!) and the hardest, most efficient worker I know (probably doesn't read as many blogs as I do!). She moved here after living in Namibia for four years, and we saw each other through immense culture shock when we both first arrived in London. She is one fantastic lady. In fact, the longer I'm here and the more I get to know people here, the more I adore them--unusual for a misanthrope such as myself. I was at a birthday dinner the other night and I realized that almost all of us were from different countries. (And somehow, we never tire of talking politics and development, or making fun of one anothers' accents in the most non-politically correct manner possible!) Where else could I possibly experience such company? It's hard to believe I only have three more weeks of class--then it's spring break, exam time (scary!), and dissertation writing time (scarier!).

Life is beautiful, and too short.

Grad school induced profanity

(No, really. I MEAN IT, folks! This is uncensored frustration...)

So yesterday I went to this seminar that I have every Monday. I almost didn't go due to exhaustion, but I think, 'What's the worst that could happen?' Well, the worst (or one of the worst, barring injury/death) is that the teacher could pick on you to give a 10 minute presentation on all the literature (drawing all these different linkages, etc) with only 20 minutes to prepare, while everyone else gets to give a 'rigorous academic critique' of what you say. Fuck you, PhD students who think you are hot shit and can torture masters students--seriously, FUCK YOU. That is what I will think from now on whenever I see this lady.

I mean, obviously I lived through it, but still. How does that actually facilitate learning in any way whatsoever?!

Managing the contextual challenge of behavior change media

I think this is what I have settled on. I am most excited about this one, and I also think I have the most resources for it in terms of contacts right now. I still need to talk to my dissertation supervisor about it... but seriously, he really doesn't care too much about what I do. I could go into that more (a tirade in fact!), but I won't.

I like the idea of using media to reach the masses--like soap operas and radio shows--especially for isolated areas. Facilitating contact with and knowledge of the outside world, etc, even/especially for those who are illiterate. However, there is this immense challenge of context. How do we engage in promoting behavior change through mass communications when the context of, say, risky behaviors that contract HIV, is different everywhere? Is it even possible for mass media to adapt contextually? And if so, how can we measure the impact of contextual adaptation? And what the hell kind of methodology am I going to use to answer these questions?!?!

Woah. I need more coffee. There is never enough time to think about it all and get it all done! I am tired yet inspired all the time these days. Off to campus for class now. This life is exhausting and fantastic...

Edutainment/Soap operas in Africa?!

One of the ideas I keep coming back to that seems more frivolous than others is the general topic of education through media as well as social marketing, specifically via soap operas. I never watch soap operas in the states, but I know they have a wide audience throughout Sub-Saharan Africa and thus huge potential for information dissemination. I also seem to keep finding organizations that are doing this sort of work over and over and over this year....

In any case, if I were to write my own soap opera script, it would be about a young Malawian (or Kenyan, since that's what I know) woman in her mid-20s, married with a few children who goes back and pursues her education through informal means. In fact, I think the story would involve a whole group of women in a literacy program, the daily ins and outs of their lives, as well as the trials and tribulations they encounter as they try to achieve 'personal development.'

Oh my gods, this sounds like SUCH fun. I am a HUGE dork.